In 2013, Author Tim Kreider wrote to the New York Times and penned an idea that I have never been able to forget. He wrote, “If we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.” This idea, that there is no love without knowledge is terrifying and it spawned memes all over the internet. Now, nine years later, it applies in a different sense. 

With today’s increasingly digital world, our lives are broadcast to an audience of peers and strangers. TikTok is used by millions to overshare intimate details of their lives. The most embarrassing and personal stories that would once have been reserved for only the most trusted confidant are given to the masses. The small screen of a cellphone provides a false sense of anonymity. 

This has led to a strange dynamic where people crave the idea of being known and the love that is associated with but only from strangers. We have entered into a culture where the opinions of those close to us are so valued, that they are feared. We would rather submit to the criticism and adoration of strangers than allow those we love to love us back. It is time to step back and in the words of Tim Kreider, submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.